Humility

"If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." Isaac Newton

    Grasping the concept of humility is very difficult for me. Actually attempting it is a lesson in humility in itself. Why? Because you realize how bad you are at it. At least that is the case with me. Its very humbling. But is it humiliating? No. I so often link humility with humiliation. Sure, they share some of the same root sounds, but they are both completely different. Humiliation is being embarrassed for your actions, with no reinforcement for betterment. Humility is refinement by fire to obtain true greatness.
    Again, these two meanings are something I struggle to find black and white with. With humiliation, you are forced to think less of yourself. You are given your faults for the sole purpose of  being thrown in your face, there is no action that goes with it except humiliation. That is the end product. You are completely humiliated, embarrassed, down-trodden, broken. However, humility is a different story. When you are humbled, you are indeed given those same inner lessons, but it comes with a loving drive to not think less of yourself, but to think of yourself less. Giving instead of taking.
    Pride is the opposite of humility, that is why being humble (or humbled) is so good at shining the spotlight on that hidden monster within. My pride is the arch enemy of my humility. In truth, my pride is a much more cunning and powerful beast than my smaller, humble self. But that is the beauty of humility in itself! Even for seeming so small, it can cause pride to come crumbling down on itself because pride is ultimately self-defeating. Humility is not self-defeating. It never defeats. It may feel like you are being defeated, thinking of yourself less. But the reality is, humility only wins. Every time. Never has humility caused something bad, that’s pride’s job. Humility is the opposite.
    And I am the opposite of humility. I have a prideful spirit, instilled in me my entire life. We think its good to be proud, stubborn. Its now synonymous with being manly, strong, unmovable. How twisted have we become to believe humility is a sign of weakness? I struggle with this constantly. So much more now that it has become so apparent to me in my life. I no longer feel like one person, but as two warring factions, battling beneath my rib cage. The victor claiming the spoils over my tongue and hands. I have not found out how to win, or which one of me will win. Humility wins few battles, but I have found a general with an unbeatable strategy…
    “Do nothing from selfishness or conceit, but in humility count others better than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form he humbled himself and became obedient to death even death on a cross.” Philippians 2: 3-11.
    So pride cannot be won against by more pride or power. The only way to combat it is humility. Goliath was killed by David. Sin by Christ. Satan by God. Pride by Humility. Myself by Myself. And when my pride has finally been defeated, I will not look down at it with pity. I will not say “Finally, I have humbled you creature.” But I will look down  at that defeated, selfish, self-destructive, greedy thing and think oh, how humiliating.