Think Feel Will

Why is it always so hard to talk to God, to pray? According to Evelyn Underhill, there are three faculties to which every human being operates; the thinking faculty, the feeling faculty, and the willing faculty.  When we are faced with the world (people and events), we think, we feel, and we will, in that successive order, to obtain or express the desired result or reaction. Thinking, reasoning, logic, seem to be the things at which we are all best at doing, without making any attempt to go deeper, when it comes to God. This thinking part of us leads to a brick wall of unbelief and selfish pride in most instances. What needs to occur is a complete demolition of this wall by the power of our emotion and willpower to reach greater relationship with Him.
    However, there is only so far intellect and thinking can go when it comes to God. We are, after all, created beings with diminutive knowledge and a sinful host of physical and spiritual limitations. Thinking, intellect, knowledge about God is only the first step. As Ruysbroeck said, “Where the intellect must stay without, these may enter in.” These of course meaning emotion and will. We must first feel the need to go deeper, that is the hard part. It is so difficult for us to be in control of our feelings, especially in a wholesome way. Seemingly impossible. But once the feeling to grow closer to God grows, once the emotion is there, unable to be contained any longer, it rubs another brick wall. The will.
    Emotion, not unlike thinking, can only go so far as well. Willing something is the hardest part of all. Unlike God, we cannot will things into being. We cannot breathe out stars or create life without breaking a sweat, we cannot even will ourselves to think or feel something half the time. This is why self-discipline is so difficult for us. Yet the will is the most powerful tool that we have, once trained. Since it is so powerful, so much more does it require. It must be more, because it is so much harder to control than our thinking and feeling.
    My goal, our challenge, would be to not let skeptical intellect, or unconvinced feelings beat around our will. The will needs to be powerful and in charge, it needs to rule over our very thoughts and emotions, which are wholly human. But we must first travel through the trials of our thinking and feeling to get to that point. Because unlike our thinking and feeling that can be almost entirely prideful and self-seeking; our will can be used for the greatest good, and with the most divine motives. And once we cultivate the power of our will, we will no longer hit any brick walls. We will hit mountains. And then we will move them.

Rule for Life

When I think of having my own personal rules for life, I first think of the Law of Moses. How it was given to the Israelites by God through Moses, and how despicably they had failed in upholding it. I think having rules in your own life are good. But it should also be taken into account the impossibility of ever accomplishing them to their fullest extent as they were meant to be. There, of course, can be no greater law than the Law of Moses. Or can there be?
    For there is a new law in place now. One that we as Christians take up as our guide. This is the Law of Christ, through the great counselor the Holy Spirit. This new law gives us capabilities of making our own rules for life, in that we have the ability to discern and decide what is right and what is wrong. We no longer need the law of Moses. We have the words of Jesus. So, what rules can we adopt according to this?
    The best way I can think of forging my own personalized rules for life (based on my personality and struggles), is to mimic the life of Jesus. Humility, servant hood, kindness, and all the practical steps that go along with it. To be slow to anger, and hopefully never anger at all. To speak gently and wholesomely. To think not less of myself but of myself less. But, to put this in perspective; it is not I who am crafting my own rules so I can be a better person, it is actually Christ working through me to bring glory to his Father, through the law his very own nature and Spirit.

Glimpsing God

    I think I know why people don’t believe in God. You can believe that something isn’t unless you have some proof that it is.  Yet, why is it so difficult to believe that something is, if you have no proof that it is? We are afraid of what we cannot see, of the unknown. In point of fact, we are afraid of things higher than us. In our selfish nature we are number one. The possibility that there might be something so much bigger than your very being, your entire life, is impossible to grasp. And because you have the choice whether to see it or not; we most likely choose to ignore it. From my observation, I find it so odd when people go out of their way to state explicitly that they don’t believe in God. I don’t believe in pink unicorns, but I don’t make brash statements about it. Of course you don’t believe in pink unicorns, there is no need to disclaim that. I just find it interesting that people do this; in the very act of denying him, they imply his existence. But this is either here nor there.
    I still do this frequently. I can easily tune God out. I cant see him, feel him, hear him, or know him if I don’t want to at any particular moment. It’s so much easier to ignore people than to get to know them isn’t it? The same goes with God. Why is it that we don’t want to have a relationship with him? Sure, we can learn about him all we want, but how many actually try to cultivate a relationship with him? Why do you find it necessary to find out as much as you can about him before you talk to him? This isn’t a blind date. This is you, a miserable speck of creation, being able to bow down before the presence of an almighty, all-powerful, loving and wrathful God. How could you not want to know everything about him, to be in a personal relationship with him?
    But it is more than getting to know about God, its literally getting to know him, and be known by him. Thomas Kelly said ,“practice come first in religion, not theory or dogma. And Christian practice is not exhausted in outward deeds. They are the fruits, not the roots.” The best way to get to know God is to adopt his very character. Become like him, as you were made to be in his image. And do that by learning about him, not just through theology or teachings, but by talking to him. Ask to feel his presence. Just try it, I dare you. “Just as it is fire and not the philosophy or science of that element and its effects that heats; so it is God’s order and his will which sanctify,  and not curious speculations about its origin or purpose.” Jean-Pierre de Caussade, I would argue, makes a very strong point on how to learn about God. But there are other ways to come to know him. Ways that may seem complex at first, but are the most entirely simple things that we were actually made to do. Communicate with God.
    We might take Thomas Kelly’s advice in regard to repeating the psalms inwardly, over and over again, “so panteth my soul after Thee, O God.” Because repeating the same words and phrases over and over again seem to be the only way to get into my thick skull the actual realization of the thickness of my skull in it’s inability to feel a God that is always there. With it being so easy to turn away from him, so it is just as difficult to turn back towards him after so long. Thankfully, its never too late.

Practicing the Presence

      It is very difficult for me to practice the presence of God. How can you talk to someone who isn't there? How can you listen to someone who is nowhere near you? How can you feel someone so far away from your grasp? And, more deeply, why do we even feel the urge to do this? Is it because we are social by nature? Because we were nurtured at a young age to be intimate with others from our parents? Let's look at these questions; they all have to do with someone. Is God just a someone? A corporeal being that you can hang out with, chat with, or shake hands with? God is more than just someone. He is the one, He is all one, He's even three in one.
      This concept, therefore, helps me understand why it is so hard for me to bask in the Lord's presence. I cannot feel Him, hear him, or see him, because he is not someone. And the reason I want to feel His presence is not because I was nurtured by my parents to be close and intimate with others. Oh, how backwards that is. The family is actually only a model of that intimacy and love that God imprinted on humans at creation! We are not taught how to love or long intimacy by our nurtured ways; we practice and yearn for those things because they are part of our very image of God! As I had said earlier, the greatest treachery that Satan has ever accomplished is making us believe he doesn't exist. I would like to retract that statement. There is a cunning plot far deeper and far more sinister which the latter hardly encompasses. I would argue that the greatest treachery that Satan has ever accomplished is making us believed that God is the one who does not exist. Two birds with one stone. If the Creator doesn't exit, the evil creation, therefore, does not and has free roam of the earth.
      Sadly, as I said, it is very hard for me to practice the presence of God. I have fallen into this trap that I see so clearly before me. Like an open pit lined with sharpened stakes and beasts, that I have knowingly fell into for fear of something greater above me. What rescues me from this pit? I can see God-like behavior in human beings all around me. Christians, and all humans, were made in God's image. They have great capabilities to show that to others, even I do. Somehow, I think that's one of the greatest ways to show that there is a God that does exist; and to show that his presence truly is all around us. Working on us, through us, and because of us. Others through me a rope in this hopeless pit, and constantly remind me of the one whom they model his love, compassion, and kindness. The one who actually became man, to show how it was done. Jesus Christ. You cannot deny or ignore the presence of Christ for any extended amount of time.

Our Conflicted Souls, The Greatest Good

    I believe every soul on earth has the ability to do the greatest good. I believe those same exact souls also have the ability to do the greatest evil. Why? Why are our wills so broken? Divided against themselves? Isn’t it common knowledge that a house like that cannot stand? So, why do we still do it? Every soul on earth has the ability of great good or greater evil, but between the two also lies the ability of choice. We must choose to do each of those things. We choose not to kill, steal, lie, cheat. Just as we choose to love and care for one another. Love is a choice. Christ is a choice.
    As Teresa of Avila wrote, “For we fight with devils, and thus, there is no better weapon than the Cross.” The devils inside us, our own indwelling sin, is permeating throughout our entire being even with the power of the Holy Spirit. How frightening, but also how encouraging! Now, we have even more power to do great good! Although, it is very important to keep in mind His will and not your own, to be careful of what part of your soul you are listening to. Teresa of Avila also stated: “You may also make the mistake of thinking that you will be better able to bear your trials if God will only grant you inward consolations. Remember that God knows what is best for you, and that we are incapable of asking for what is best for us.”
    We must be vigilante of Satan within us, befriending us, telling us what we need. It is him! It is our sin at work within us! Wake up! As John Chrysostom said, “If we were suddenly aware of a serpent nestling in our bed, we would go to great lengths to kill it. But when the devil nestles in our souls, we tell ourselves we are in no danger, and thus we lie at ease.” We don’t see his power, we cant tell because he is in us. How deceiving! We think its just us! If we can realize this, and choose the greater good, the risen Christ, than what could ever stop us? Put eloquently by John Chrysostom, “If we do this, not even the devil himself will get the better of us…the devil has no desire for open combat, for he would surely be defeated.” See it, and choose.
  

The Virtuous Life

    Here’s the age old question: what is good? Is good a universal truth, or defined by how you look at it? In other words, is good dependent on the culture, nation, person; or is the human dependent on good? Some people may see lying as good, in the right context. Others may look at abortion and say hey, that’s not too bad of a thing. Still others might look lustfully at one another, thinking it’s perfectly alright. People seem to have different views on what is ok, acceptable, right, virtuous, and good. But this begs the question, is what they see as ok, acceptable, right, virtuous and good really the right thing? Or do they make it so, to themselves, so they may be allowed to do it without any repercussions?
    They see lying as good in the right context as not to hurt that person, to make them look like someone who they really aren’t, or for selfish gains. They might view abortion as right because it would burden them, it would make the child suffer if they had it, it would just cause her problems. They might look at each other lustfully and think it acceptable because it’s only naturally. Besides, they want to get what they want. Why not twist these things into popular culture so everyone may get away with whatever they desire? Why not, instead of bending to goodness, bend goodness to them? It’s a cunning, selfish, evil move, and we have accomplished it through subtle decisions in society ultimately orchestrated by Satan himself.
    Ok, so maybe there is some truth in that. Maybe people are guilty of that. But what is the truth of the lie which we have ensnared ourselves within? It is that goodness is indeed universal, only that it has been skewed, twisted, bent, and manipulated so much by sin that the world now only looks at it as dependant solely upon how you look at it. What a wretched lie we have been fed, and worse yet greedily ingested!
    If we can understand that good is universal, then what universe has it come out of? The answer is, of course, pure goodness. A synonym that could be used to illustrate pure goodness is God Himself. God is the essence of good, it is His character, His nature, His very being! As Gregory of Nyssa said, “The Divine One is himself the Good whose very nature is goodness.”
    In order to be good, completely, wholly good, is not merely to refrain from lying, cheating, lusting, aborting, killing, or hating; nor is it to be nice, friendly, hospitable, or understanding to someone. It’s not even to love someone, in the barest sense of the term. To be good is to follow wholeheartedly the essence of goodness, to follow God! But how do we do this?
    Gregory of Nyssa said “it is also impossible for those who pursue the life of virtue to attain perfection.” Why? Because we are imperfect, sinful, fallen, and easily swayed away from the very definition of what good even is. We are called “therefore to be perfect, just as your heavenly father is perfect.” This seems so daunting! And it is! We have trouble even understanding what good and bad are! The absolute least we can do to fulfill this command is to fight with every shred of strength contained within us. As Gregory of Nyssa explained, “For the perfection of human nature consists perhaps in its very growth in goodness.”
    Cultivating that relationship of goodness, that relationship with God, is how we truly know what is good, and how to attain it. So what is good and virtuous? God. And how do you live goodly, virtuously? Well, live godly, of course. The terms are synonymous, after all.

 Submission

I’m curious, what do you think of when I say submission? Giving up? Appeasement? Defeat? What about weakness? Shame? Second-best? The word submission carries with it so many negative connotations today that it seems as if it has evolved into a completely different word. This is not what submission is, or even truly accurate to what it means, at least not in a Christian sense. It is a very difficult, but entirely crucial, practice of the body. It requires immense discipline, something which I unfortunately do not possess within any stretch of the imagination.
    Yet I try it all the same. Why? Why submit myself to others? Why should I care more about others, putting them above myself so much as to deny myself and submit? Why lower myself? That doesn’t make any logical sense! Right?
    I might answer this with another question. Is God’s love for us logical? I would argue absolutely not. Imagine, the King of the Universe, Author of All Creation, taking time from His heavenly, perfect throne to pay a single moment’s heed to a pitiful, lowly, small, insignificant human. Better yet, imagine we were all bad! That we never listened to Him, always doing the opposite of what He said, angering Him immensely. Imagine, Him still loving us after turning away from Him, cursing and denying His existence or very name. Imagine, He still loved us so much that He would send his son, His own son, to die to save us. Well guess what, you don’t have to imagine it. It’s happened. How does that not sound completely, utterly, undeniably non-logical to you? As one philosopher once said: The heart has reasons, that reason cannot know. Now, I do not mean to trivialize the power of the love of God into a single, succinct quote; but it helps contextualize it for us human beings. Because honestly, His love is unfathomable.
    That is why I attempt to submit myself as best I can to others. First of all, I’m not the center of the universe, contrary to popular belief. I do not deserve anything, I am not worthy of anything. Secondly, if my very God can submit humbly to His own creation, how much more should I do it for Him and to others? The very act of it may not seem logical, but the reasons for doing it are so obvious! But submitting is not logical, it is loving. When you submit, you don’t lose, everyone wins. It is a difficult notion to grasp, I hardly have it myself, but it will only come naturally with much discipline and practice.

Ruminations On Solitude

    Let’s be honest, you’re life isn’t that busy. I know, you have so much going on; school, marriage, bills, driving to work, working, fixing the leak, cleaning the room, homework, depositing the check , feeding the dog, eating, sleeping, watching TV, watching funny videos, playing games, cooking dinner, doing the laundry, talking to your siblings, talking to your mom, catching up with old friends, washing the dishes, mowing the lawn, shoveling the sidewalk, raking, shaving, smoking, drinking, hanging out, grocery shopping, exercising, getting gas, the list is endless, isn’t it?
    WRONG. On the contrary, people have much more time given to them in a day than they realize, even without taking anything away from it! Would the world explode if you reserved ten minutes out of your day to go into solitude instead of catching those crucial last moments of sleep in the morning? Wait just one minute here, did you just say solitude? What do you mean solitude?
    Solitude is a spiritual discipline to enter into God’s presence through prayer and meditation. Does that mean this is the only way to feel His presence? Absolutely not. However, it is a beneficial (and intensely difficult) practice to begin. I, like you, am not good at it. I have tried and failed, horribly mind you, pretty much every time I attempt it. I will admit that freely, and write this as a charge to both you and myself. But why is that? Why do humans fail? As Henri Nouwen put it, “we are bombarded by thousands of thoughts and feelings that emerge from hidden areas of our minds.” This makes us think ‘well this is impossible! I can’t focus on anything! This is just a waste of my time. I could be doing those other things right now instead of pretending to meditate.’
    My reaction to this is simple. Assuming that you love God and are a professing Christian, how dare you, in this good created Earth given to you as a gift, let anything take precedence over God in your life!? Does it not sound utterly ridiculous, put in the correct worldview? This world is not yours. That wallet is not yours. That house is not yours. Those kids are not yours. That time is not yours. That life is not yours! It was all given as a gift, for you to be a steward over. We literally owe everything to God, but only Christ could pay the price. How could you not possibly want to even attempt to be in a relationship with that!?
    Start small, humbly. As Thomas Merton said of meditation, “We do not want to be beginners. But let us be convinced of the fact that we will never be anything else but beginners.” Take the time to enter into that solitude, that meditation. Because, let’s be honest, that time isn’t even really yours in the first place. Give it back. What authority do you have to say you will never hear God, if you never actually try it?